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Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Wading through treacle

Let me be clear upfront. I hate recruitment. I hate people. Therefore I hate recruiting people. Actually that’s not entirely true, I love interviewing great people and bouncing around ideas when there is a spark, intelligence and a passion. I hate the crap that you have to go through to get there in the first place.

At the moment we are recruiting for my team. We have a mid-range HR Manager role, managing a small team and paying £50k (c.$83k) it’s a good company with good benefits, healthcare, pension, discounts, 25 days holiday, profit share. We should be recruiting good people. We put this on a well known HR recruitment website.

Foolishly I asked my PA to print me the CVs so that I can “test the calibre and see who’s out there”. My team have just come to check that I am ok as the laughter has been spilling out of my office. There are a number of observations to be made,

1) HR people are no better at CVs than the rest of the world, in fact they’re worse
2) There’s a lot of dross out there desperately trying to get a job
3) There’s a lot of financial services people out there desperately trying to get a job

Now on this last point, we are not an FS company, we are totally different. But ranting about your successes in HR at Lehman Bros that made a commercial difference……..You are the Weakest Link….Goodbye!

So despite the complete lack of professionalism, here are some of my favourites.

“With a strong track record of leveraging people and the organisation through making use of such tools as lean thinking/six sigma, change management, project management and building and maintaining relationships.” – And the ability to speak without breathing by the sounds of it

“A HR professional with a record of bringing a strong business focus and analytical thinking style to conceptualise and lead business-linked HR initiatives” – I was with you for the first half and then……

And then listed under key skills,

Typing speed 45wpm. Microsoft Office skills – This is an HR Manager role ffs
First HR nominee to receive 2 nominations for a staff star award – But did you get a Blue Peter badge?
Ability to work as part of an interview panel – Uhhhhhhhh yeah……

And finally my favourite,

“I play drums and sing backing vocals on a regular basis with a covers band – weddings, PTA parties and charity fund raising events” Words fail me…..

So does anyone out there need a job?

3 comments:

humanresourcespufnstuf said...

I think now more than ever, we all feel your plight. It amazes me that increased competition amongst candidates for few positions has not caused more of them to step up their game. It's clear you've had several stand outs, but for the wrong reasons.

Also, thanks to you and wikipedia I've now added the concept of a Blue Peter badge to my pop culture lexicon!

Lena said...

This is your best post so far...
I am not looking for a job... but I can cook... and sing... And I didn't get a Blue Peter badge, but I can buy one from eBay if necessary!!! LOL!

HRD said...

@Puff - Happy to bring another slice of Blighty into your life! Interestingly it looks like candidates are stepping up their game....but in an unforeseen way!

@Lena - That was a dark moment in the history of Blue Peter. Photo cards now accompany badges....